Board Your Windows and Doors, Head for the Wine Cellar!

Current radar picture of the storm just beginning to touch the Maryland panhandle, this monster is headed this way, take heed!

Messy and dangerous! … bone chilling! …  a winter blast of snow is swirling.

A doosey of a storm is dumping tons of snow across the Midwest right now, bolstering the controversial assumption that the Earth is undergoing global cooling.

This just in: Kansas is gone!, covered in a blanket of snow. The price of snow shovels rises to $150.

A monster storm is on the way, and The Bay Net’s ace meteorologist has given the storm a toilet paper roll rating of five, an unprecedented prediction so early in the snow season.

Look out folks there is a 0.057 percent chance you will be trapped in your house for weeks on end …So rush out the stores now and stock up on the essentials: toilet paper, peanut butter, canned sardines and other prophylactics; or better yet pack up the kids now and head for the more tropical climate in Ridge.

Residents in the area are taking all the necessary precautions before the storm.

Help you neighbors prepare and be a good Samaritan, if you see a bozo pumping gas wearing shorts quickly cover him in your emergency blanket kept in the trunk.

We could be seeing the beginning of an El Nino’ winter here folks, or is it La Nina? The temperatures are predicted to dive to near 32 degrees F, and may even plummet to 0 degrees Celsius.

Now for the real forecast, a winter storm watch is in effect for the entire region.

Tonight: Periods of snow and sleet, mixing with freezing rain after 4am. Low near 28. Southeast wind at 11 mph becoming north. Chance of precipitation is 100%. New snow accumulation of 1 to 3 inches possible.

Friday: Periods of snow, freezing rain and sleet before 9am, then a chance of snow between 9am and 3pm. High near 37. Breezy, with a north wind between 15 and 21 mph, with gusts as high as 32 mph. Chance of precipitation is 80%. New snow accumulation of 1 to 3 inches possible.

Friday Night: Mostly clear, with a low around 20. Northwest wind between 5 and 13 mph.

Check back with The Bay Net for you up-to-the-minute snow forecast. New radar images, pictures and video to be added as soon as our space cadet meteorologist lands. We may even slip in the real forcast.