The Charles County Commissioners issue a proclamation Oct. 4 declaring October Domestic Violence Awareness Month
La Plata, MD – The Charles County Commissioners declared October Domestic Violence Awareness Month Oct. 4.
Their proclamation couldn’t be more timely.
“One out of every four women has experienced domestic violence in Maryland,” said Rosemary Raiman, who coordinates the domestic violence branch of the Charles County State’s Attorney’s Office.
It was just last week when James Vincent Frank Bray, 36, was sentenced to 35 years in prison for sexually abusing two minor females.
Testimony read aloud during his sentencing Sept. 29 in La Plata also revealed one of Southern Maryland’s dark hidden secrets: domestic violence.
The mother of the two children told the court she met Bray online in 2006 when he was living in New York. When he came to Charles County, he began living with the woman and her two young daughters.
The mother said Bray had “smooth words.
“He took on the role of daddy and we were impressed,” she stated. “But then James began to dominate every aspect of my life. I had to do as he said.”
Sex became more of a labor than a romantic thing, she pointed out.
“As the years went on, he became more emotionally abusive and physically abusive,” she added. “He said he would burn the house down. He grew more violent.”
Raiman said the county processed 1,454 cases in the past year for domestic violence, 793 for protective orders from the court, and another 661 that resulted in criminal cases.
Domestic cases are a whirlwind of frustration.
“We call it ‘The Wheel,’ ” she said. “There’s the honeymoon phase, the growing tension phase and then the battering stage. If we don’t get to them within 24 hours of the abuse they’re back to the honeymoon phase, where everything is wonderful again.”
Raiman said some cases have gone through her office as many as seven times before the victim finally breaks free and leaves the relationship.
It’s about power and control, she insisted: emotionally, financially and physically.
The age group most likely to experience domestic violence tends to range in the 16-to-24-year-old age group, which makes sense, Raiman said. Most young women haven’t fully developed social skills or may have self-esteem issues, Raiman added.
“The victims most likely to be killed are those who are pregnant,” she explained. “It’s the one thing the man can’t control.”
Raiman explained that pulling the truth from the emotional and traumatic victims is a lot like putting a puzzle together.
“We say there are three sides, her side, his side and what really happened,” she noted.
Martha’s Home and Dale’s Home shelter battered women in Charles County. But they don’t can’t always help the problem.
“They’re full,” she added. “They’re always full.”
Raiman said when that it is most dangerous for women when they leave an abusive relationship.
The hardest cases are those where the children witness the violence. In most cases, those who commit violence against women witnessed such behavior during their childhood. It’s becomes part of a pattern that is difficult to break.
While Raiman’s office protects and helps victims through resources and a network of agencies, such as the Center for Abused Persons, they also understand the abuser is caught up in a vicious cycle as well.
“It’s learned behavior,” Raiman said. “There comes a time when we have to realize that the offender needs help as well.”
As for the victims, who are the ultimate focus of her office, she said help is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
Court commissioners are on call around the clock to help victims. That way, if an incident occurs on Friday night, they can take action right then.
“We don’t want to wait until Monday morning, because then they’ll be back in the honeymoon phase by then,” she said.
Victims can get help by contacting the state’s attorney office at 301-932 3373 or contact Raiman at raimanr@charlescountymd.gov
Contact Joseph Norris at joe.norris@thebaynet.com
