Did you just break up with your “significant one”? Or maybe s(he) was an “insignificant”, but the person you got so used to spending a lot of time with together. Or are you a single who hates being along and the holiday season seem like a major disaster coming?
There are so many people who simply can’t stand any holidays because they don’t have anyone to accompany them. People think that it’s humiliating to be by themselves during Christmas, New Year Eve, Valentines Day, their birthday or any other holiday. They start to feel sad and depressed at the time when other people start happy holiday preparations. If you belong to this group (even if you would never admit it to yourself) it’s OK to feel the way you feel now.
However, there are bad news and good news. The bad news is – while feeling bad about any situation, the other bad situations are attracted. The good news is – there is lots of good news.
1. Remember, you are not alone. Many people around the globe feel the same way. How would I know? I receive thousands of letters asking me how to deal with lonely holidays… I have done extensive research… also, I spent some holidays by myself while watching lots of people who did the same.
2. You feel bad because you don’t know the real reasons why it happens. Don’t worry, I will give you a clear explanation.
3. You will find out how to turn around the most lonely times into if not the most incredible but at least pretty good times. What you will need is a desire to feel good and enjoy yourself.
The Real Reason of feeling bad.
1. The bad feeling about being lonely is not about being lonely itself. It’s about feeling that “you are not good enough to get a quality company to share the best times of the year with.”
2. Being by yourself limits the possible holiday activities in your mind.
3. Being alone on holidays contradicts with some common society beliefs.
4. Being by yourself is not “what your mom and dad (uncle, best friend, teacher etc) would want for you. You feel that if somebody knows, they would be disappointed. Therefore, on the subconscious level you think that you are the bigger disappointer.
5. Being alone equals “not being needed”.
How to turn “The Real Reasons of Feeling Bad” into the “The Real Reasons of Feeling Good”.
1. Please understand that it’s totally your choice of what to think about being alone. There are many other choices. For example:
1) I’m alone because I’m a boring, ugly loser and people run away from me.
or
2) I’m alone because I know that life is complex and sometimes circumstances are not highly desirable for me. I understand that my current situation in any aspects of life is the result of my previous thinking and actions. Yes, today I’m here alone, but I know that I’m a great person who would rather spend quality time by him/herself then wind up to be with anybody just to be with.
Now you can make a list and write down all the possible choices. After you wrote them, think about them and pick one. This would be the real reason. If you picked the bad reason and think that this it is totally true in your case, then play a “confidence game”. Write a very good reason and accept it is true one.
2. Don’t limit your activities by being alone. You can do exactly the same as other people, who have boyfriends/girlfriends, families or close friends. Depending on your budget you can go shopping, eat out, take a vacation, go to see movie or play. What would you like to do with “the imaginary love of your life”? Go and do it yourself. “But this is no fun”, you think. Don’t think this way. The ability to enjoy being by yourself is a sign of self completeness.
Let me tell you something. About 10 years ago, I was terrified about the coming Valentine’s Day. I didn’t know what to do and didn’t want to be at home…I called my mom and she suggested to go shopping. I was literally amazed by what I saw at the mall. There were so many people who weren’t in a hurry and obviously were just “killing” that day by themselves.
Life is short and beautiful and if the temporary absence of company makes your life miserable think twice about your attitude.
3. Personally I consider society believes as “heavy pressure”. We all have been taught that we have to be in “groups of at least two” for the days “society marked as important days of the year”. It reminds me sayings like “you are 30 years old and still not married”. Many parents say that because in their opinion it’s better to “look good in relatives’ or neighbors’ eyes being married” than being happy.
Do you accept the fact that in order to be happy at the job you have to find the right job? Yes. Do you believe that to be happy in a relationship you have to find the right person? Yes. So please accept the fact that in order to be happy about holiday company you have to find the right company. Today you don’t have this company. Does it look like a reason of being miserable? Or perhaps it’s just a temporary little disadvantage that won’t prevent you of feeling happy? J
4. If you feel that you are a “disappointer” even in your own eyes, then re-read #3. Trust me, you are not. There are thousands and thousands of people who feel exactly the same way. Sit down for a second and think that would make you feel good. What do you like? Do you like to eat out? Then make a reservation in your favorite restaurant. Are you afraid that looking at groups of people will make you unhappy? Don’t worry about it. Many of those people just dream to sit by themselves without the company they are maybe forced to be with.
Personally I suggest going somewhere. If you absolutely do not feel comfortable being by yourself, go online and do research. There are tons of events you can attend to by yourself feeling comfortable.
5. If you feel that “nobody needs you” remember, it’s not true. It is just a sign of low self-esteem and requires reading and improvement on this topic. If you can’t be happy without people means that you need “somebody else’s validation”. Then you should re-think that connection between other people’s presence and your inner condition.