This is column #2 from The Love Scholar’s weekly column. Click here to view his column as well as some other great columns. Have a question, comment or in need of advice from The Love Scholar?? Email news@thebaynet.com with subject “The Love Scholar” and he will respond with sincerity and efficiency.
Now here’s a mistake we can all relate to.
Picture this. You are with your partner, enjoying a hot summer day or calm fall evening together. The two of you are engaging in a pleasant conversation, thinking everything is perfect. The sound is perfect, the breeze feels wonderful and you’re with the girl of your dreams. There’s not a care in the world. The only thing you’re thinking of is how great it is to be in this setting with this wonderful person. Life couldn’t be any better.
Until all of the sudden you look over to your girlfriend or wife, only to see that she is staring straight at you with a very cold and blank look on her face.
You haven’t heard a single thing she had been saying. She was looking for a response to a question or comment she presented and you have taken those words through the ear and without chewing them, pushed them right out the other. You were too busy enjoying the moment that you lost focus on the important parts of the day, keeping a listening focus on your loved one.
Now how many people can say that has happened to them once or twice in their time?
It is a strange phenomenon that has plagued men for many ages. No one quite knows why this happens; only that it does happen and can truly ruin the mood from time to time. I will admit that I even do this from time to time.
I will however, say this on my own behalf, to give me somewhat of an excuse. I am a brother of three and each one of us brothers has the same problem. It’s not that we do not hear our significant other, it is just for whatever reason we do not process the information as quickly as we would like to. Often I find myself blurting out the sounds, “huh?” and “wha?” even though, after thinking about it, I actually did hear what my girlfriend said.
Her and I conducted an experiment once to determine if I actually have a hearing problem, listening problem or just have a terets type of problem and cannot hold back from blurting these words out. We concluded that I do actually hear what is being said, I just am so used to having to chime in my attention before I can hear what someone says.
I hope that made some sense, if not I’d be glad to repeat myself to anyone. If girlfriends and wives can put up with it then I’m sure I can too.
If you just come to realization that the one you are talking to is one of the most important people in your life, the listening may come more naturally. After you relax, at least for me, the “huh’s?” and wha’s?” start to fade out of the conversation. This will help avoid those cold stares and awkward scenarios.
In reality, issues with listening or keeping attention towards the one you love should not be a problem. Communicating should not only be an everyday, back and forth type of thing, but it should mold into something that even gives you joy to do. You are with her for a reason and that alone is a good enough reason to listen and pay attention.
