What type of legacy would you like to leave to your adult children? Whatever you have in mind, share it with them. By making sure they understand what elements are in your estate plan, you can avoid a lot of confusion, hard feelings and family squabbles when it’s time to settle your affairs.
Of course, it may not be as agreeable to discuss estate plans with your children as, say, talking about your granddaughter’s soccer game or your grandson’s role in the school play. And you may have to recognize that your children, even though they’re adults, feel uncomfortable in discussing topics dealing with estate planning. Such feelings are not uncommon. In fact, fewer than one in three families have actually had a meaningful conversation on legacy-type issues, according to a study by Allianz Life Insurance Co.
Why are people of your generation more at ease in talking about these issues? It’s difficult to say, but it seems likely that greater maturity and a sense of perspective have a lot to do with it.
In any case, once you’ve decided it’s time to bring up your estate plans with your children, how should you go about it? Consider easing into the subject by talking about things that may not be so emotionally charged. For example, you might want to discuss your grandchildren’s college education and how you’d like to help pay for it. Or, you might want to talk about a charity you’ve already supported, and mention that you’re planning to remember it in “the future.”
Once you’ve broken the ice by addressing these types of subjects, you should find it easier to move into the real nitty-gritty of your estate plans. Tell you children what’s in your will, who helped draw it up and where a paper copy can be found. Better yet, give them a copy of it. If you’ve created a living trust, explain its benefits; i.e., your assets can pass directly to them and other beneficiaries without court interference, lengthy delays and public disclosure.
Just as importantly, let them know how you’d like matters to proceed if you should ever become incapacitated. Do you want to give one of your children durable general power of attorney to act for you? If so, which child? Explain your decision to all your children.
One final word: Make sure your beneficiary designations are updated – and let your children know that these designations are up to date and now take into account all births, deaths and remarriages in the family. Keep in mind that these designations – which will appear on your retirement plans, insurance policies and investment accounts – can supersede the instructions on your will.
At first, discussing estate plans with your adult children can seem awkward for everyone. But after a short while, both you and they will feel more and more comfortable in discussing these issues, which are of such great importance to your family.
* Edward Jones, its employees and Investment Representatives are not estate planners and cannot provide tax or legal advice.